hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
