I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
