a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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