So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
