its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
