I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
