OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
