I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
