I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
