Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like

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(631): View more from New York

I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me

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(216): View more from Ohio

Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."

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(302): View more from Delaware

you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..

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(641): View more from Iowa

This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.

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(906): View more from Michigan

I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.

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