I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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