Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
