You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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