3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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