I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
