I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
