We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
