Buhtt sex?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
