I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
