Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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