I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
