I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
