What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
