i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
