We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
