dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
