I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
