i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
