Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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