4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
