im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
