I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
