Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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