Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
