It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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