In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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