ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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