Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
are you so shy because you have an std?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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