Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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