i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
