I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
