I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
