Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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