It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
