I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
