the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
