I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
