Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
