what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
my liver is dry heaving
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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