I think my vagina is haunted
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
